Through The Looking Glass
by honey offering
Summary: Faith figured she owed the universe a big one. That is why they had given Connor to her. But an eternity later, they want her to give him back and suddenly she and Angel find themselves on opposite sides of a war.
1. Chapter 1

**Title** : Through the Looking Glass

**Author** : honey

**Disclaimer** : I don't own Angel. Never did. Never will.

**Characters** : Angel, Faith, Connor

**Pairing** : Still debating on who to pair Faith with. It is either Angel or Wes. Most likely Angel.

**Genre** : Adventure, Romance, Angst

**Spoilers** : A New World.

**Warning** : Violence, Death

**Summary** : She owed the universe a big one, Faith figured. That is why they had given Connor to her. An eternity later, they want her to give him back.

* * *

I.

It was raining.

Large droplets of water pelted down on them violently as if the heavens had seen what he had done to this girl and wept. Their clothes clung to them, heavy fabric weighted down by water.

Angel rested his chin on top of Faith's head and smelled a faint hint of soap in her hair. He noted that she smelled of something different too, of a place far and away and of power - untouchable and dangerous.

He shifted her in his arms and she wheezed against his chest, her breathing shallow and harsh. The metal still jutted out of her, blood and water dripping from her wound. The front and back of her shirt were soaked with blood now and the scent was suddenly intoxicating to Angel. Inside him, Angelus was laughing.

"I'm sorry." He whispered into her hair, quelling the nauseating feeling.

"Why?" It sounded like a plea. "_Why_?"

Angel could barely bring himself to look her in the eye. "He was so unhappy, Faith. And he was becoming too dangerous."

"He is. We _are_...dangerous." Faith argued tiredly. The pain was spreading faster across her chest. God, she hated this part. The painful, dying part.

Angel frowned. "He was hurting himself and others around him."

"Comes with the territory." Faith coughed and blood spurted out of her mouth.

"Faith, can you just focus on relaxing?" His voice sounded somewhat impatient.

Her expression crumbled and her shoulders started to shake violently. She was groaning and sobbing, in pain both inside and out. "He may have been yours for days....weeks...but he was _mine_ for...almost two...two hundred years."

Angel frowned, confusion etched in his face. "What? But how?" He shifted again, trying to make it as comfortable for her as possible.

"And you just took him away! Just...like...that. He won't even know I'm gone. He won't..._remember_." She looked up at him with angry, accusing eyes again. She refused to surrender even in death and Angel suddenly realized there was still a small piece of the Faith he knew in this woman. This stranger who held the face of a girl he thought he knew.

"It had to be done. We have to make sacrifices, Faith. _For_ him."

"Wasn't right, what you did." She insisted adamantly. "You did it for yourself. Never figured you to be the selfish type."

Angel's expression darkened. "You think it was _easy_? We have to make sacrifices for the ones we love, Faith. We have to."

Faith shook her head at him, hissing at the pain the movement caused her. "Nuh-uh, I know _sacrifices_ when I see one but this...this, I think, goes into the _can't ever forgive you for_ category, Fang. This is no sacrifice. This is running away when shit hits the fan."

"And you'd know a lot about that, right?" He snapped and as soon as the words escaped his lips, Angel was sorry. "I'm sorry, okay, Faith. I am so sorry." Angel didn't know what else to say to her. She had threatened, pleaded, cried, and kicked the crap out of him and all Angel could say was sorry. "It wasn't supposed to be this way."

"I love him, you know. Honest."

He nodded. "I know, Faith. I know."

"No, no, you don't." She rasped. Angel could feel her heart slowing. Soon, it would be over. Still, she fought to speak. "When...when the Powers gave him to me, I was scared out of my mind. Shit in your pants kind of scared." She laughed weakly. "They handed me this wailing little baby and told me to call him Connor. No manuals or any of that shit. Then...then I wasn't in Kansas anymore, and definitely no yellow brick road to follow." She paused, breathing heavily. "And this...this baby is looking at me like I was....you don't know what it's like. Having someone look at you like the sun rises and set with you, loving you...just _because_."

"Faith-"

"And you fight for him, you know...because you don't want to disappoint him. Even when he already thinks your perfect. Didn't want to fuck it up. You don't get do-overs...with children. I'd know." Faith inhaled deeply, her face contorting in anguish. "I can't just let him go. I _can't_." She lifted her hand to touch his face. "You have to undo it, Angel."

Angel shut his eyes tightly and pressed his forehead against her cheek. "I can't."

Then her hand slipped from his face and he could no longer hear the faint thump, thump, thump of her heart. She laid perfectly still in his arms, her eyelids half open and her mouth parted slightly as if she had more to argue. Angel scowled, wiped the clumpy strands of wet hair away from her ashen face and clutched her tighter a little while longer.

A homeless man passed, eyeing him warily, as he continued to push his cart away. Angel glared back through the increasing rain.

Suddenly, the body in his arms jerked and Angel practically dropped her. Faith rolled onto her side and away from him, groaning in pain.

"Jesus Christ on a cracker! _That_ hurt!" Faith exclaimed loudly as she pulled the pipe out of her. The wound in her chest disappeared, muscles and flesh weaving together to make her whole again.

Angel gaped. "What-"

"Was that?" Faith said flippantly as she tossed long strands of hair away from her shoulder and strolled to where she last dropped her weapon. The sword scraped against the gravel, making a long scratching noise. She shrugged and walked over to where Angel still sat.

"But you _died_."

"When you got a dhampir to raise and two hundred years to spare, a girl picks up a few tricks, alright?" She connected her boot with his chest and from the crunching noise it made, Faith knew a rib or two had broken. "Okay, we're going to try this _again_. Undo the spell you cast on Connor or I won't be nice anymore. _Please_."

Angel glowered at her defiantly. "He's gone, Faith."

Faith pursed her lips and frowned at him. "I'm going to make this life hell for you if you don't give me what's mine, Angel."

"You think he'll be proud of you? You think you'd look the same in his eyes after he learns what you've done?"

"My son _knows_ I'd turn this world upside down and then some to get him back." She said through gritted teeth. "_You_ don't just get to decide for us."

"He's _my_ son, Faith!"

Faith released her foot from his chest and knelt in front of Angel. Her expression softened slightly and she leaned forward and kissed him. "When Connor was ten I looked at him and saw _you_ staring back at me. And I knew he was yours. I thought of you _everyday_ since then, afraid of the day you take him away from me. Guess that's now." She gripped his chin and kissed him again, brutally this time, biting his lip until she drew blood. "You better be prepared to kill me, Fang, because I'm never giving him back to you now. Not this way." Faith breathed into his mouth just as she thrust her sword into his chest and twisted the metal. "I better get to work with the hacking and whacking of your loved ones. A lady always keeps her promise, you know?"

"I'll kill you."

"Looking forward to it. See you around, princess." Faith grinned widely as she pulled her weapon and walked away from Angel.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two** : Trade

**Disclaimer** : I don't own Angel. Never did. Never will.

**Characters** : Angel, Faith, Connor

**Warning** : Violence, Death

**Author's Notes **: Any Angel episode with Faith and/or Connor are obviously null and void, with the exception of _A New World_ and _Home. _

Many thanks to Rabidreject and Jinxgirl.

**Summary** : She owed the universe a big one, Faith figured. That is why they had given Connor to her. An eternity later, they want her to give him back.

* * *

Her skin itched in this world, as if her shell had been stretched far too tight over her bones and her insides were now struggling to fit. After almost two centuries of constant fighting, of running, and of protecting Connor from his demons - both real and imaginary - Faith was no longer accustomed to the organized chaos and to the listless pace of this dimension.

Two months since she fell through the portal with Connor, and Faith had already lost the ease in her movements. Gravity weighed her down. She decided she missed the fluidity Quor'toth brought her, hell dimension or not.

The rustle of feathers and soft sound of bare feet snapped Faith out of her thoughts.

"Any chance we could _move_ this along?"

The being - a hybrid of demon and deity - wore the face of a woman-child. It glanced at Faith over slender shoulders and grinned. "Patience is a virtue, slayer. Isn't that one of your human adages?"

Faith sneered, something dangerous flashing in her eyes. "Look, you or _whoever_ it is you answer to need to undo the big fuck up Angel rained down on us."

It blinked empty, silver eyes at her. "No." It said after a beat.

"I wasn't asking."

"Connor is not _yours_ to keep. When we gave the child to you there was always the understanding that he would be returned in time for the Coming."

"You never told _me_ shit!" The air around Faith crackled with electricty and her anger was suddenly very visible.

It blinked at her again.

"Look, I may never deserve him, but Connor is-"

"This is not about merit!" The demon's voice boomed, bouncing against the walls of the cave as it unfurled its wings in fury. "You're bound to Connor by magic and something _else_ - something stronger than anything in this world or any other - but he has a destiny apart from yours."

"Well, you know where you can shove that destiny crap you're preaching." Faith hissed. "If you think I'm just going to lay down and roll over, you got another thing coming to you, sister."

The demon sighed and cocked its head to the side, bright red hair spilling.

"This is not something you will win." Its face softened and Faith loathed the pity she saw there. Silence stretched between them and they stood several feet apart, unmoving, the air humming around them.

"I won't ever get him back, will I?" Faith finally spoke, her voice slicing through the stillness.

"You can try. You can destroy this world if you want. But if we don't _will_ it.....then....no, you won't."

Faith nodded grimly, the realization settling heavily in the pit of her stomach. She pressed tired fingers at her throbbing temple. The years before Connor had been a blur to her. Time was quickened due to lack of purpose, names were associated more with emotions rather than actual memories, and faces - save for Angel's - were hazy, like faint wisps of smoke floating in the back of her brain. Whoever those people were, whatever significance they held, they were all no longer important. Faith could barely remember a time when Connor was not a part of her life, a time without the perpetual fear of losing him, or a time without loving him or him loving her.

Faith could hardly remember when he was not her child.

"Will he be okay?"

"Yes."

Her jaw tightened. "Even without me watching over him?" The being nodded, and although every fiber in her being screamed not to believe, Faith knew it was the truth. Magical interference or not, Connor would be okay. She had taught him, or at least tried, to be self sufficient, to be strong in the event that she would not be there.

"Then unbind the magic that's keeping me here."

"No."

In a flash, Faith closed the distance between and was on the demon, one hand tearing its wing off. It howled in agony. "Listen, lady, I am _not_ as selfless as you'd like to delude yourself. If you want me to let my son go, then _you_ let me go. Nothing's keeping me here!"

"You have to fulfill your destiny. We can't allow you to be mortal, to be mediocre, again. It would be a waste."

"Again with this destiny-"

"There is an..._alternate_. A price."

Faith growled and wrapped her fingers around the demon's neck, yanking it to its feet. "Shoot."

"Let Angel win this battle."

"Haven't you been _listening_ or do I need to tear your other wing off to get the point across?" Faith growled, frustration and anger rolling off of her in waves. The demon sniffed the air around Faith and twisted its lips.

"Let Angel's magic run its course."

"Why?"

"Destiny." The demon replied with a shrug.

Faith paused, growing quiet as if considering. "For how long?"

"Months. A year at most."

Faith's expression darkened again. "I don't have the-"

"You have an _eternity_. You can learn to be patient for a few months." The demon hissed back, shoving Faith away. It rubbed at its sore neck. "You either let Angel fufill his destiny or never have your child again. He will live out the rest of his life ignorant of your existence."

"Is that the best you can do?" Faith barked.

"That's what we're offering. All or nothing."

"What am I trading him for?"

"Do you _really_ care? Is there _anything_ here that is more valuable than that boy?"

Faith shook her head as she turned to leave. "As long as I have him back, you can have whatever the hell you want. One year, you hear? One year or I _will_ find someone else holding a bigger stick than you and your higher powers."

The demon chuckled dryly as it watched Faith's retreating back. Hunching over slightly, it exhaled as another wing poked out of its shoulder blade, replacing the one Faith had torn off. "See you then, slayer."

* * *

Angel smelled her even before he entered his office. She was leaning against his desk, arms folded in front of her as if to brace herself from the world she was looking out at. Los Angeles glistened beneath the sunlight and the heat just beyond the window.

"Faith."

She shot him a brief glance over her shoulder before returning her gaze to the city. "So this is the view from inside the belly of the beast, huh?"

Angel saw something flash over her features, something he had never seen before._ Defeat. _"If you hurt anyone-"

Faith raised her hands in the air as a sign of surrender but continued to say nothing.

Assessing that she was not going to attack him, Angel shoved his hands into his pockets and walked over to Faith, stopping a couple feet away. "I didn't think you would come back. At least not...like this."

"Yeah, well."

Angel gritted his teeth. He hated _this_ Faith even more than the one in the alley. She reeked of loss and disappointment, of resignation. At least then, when she was kicking and screaming, and bitching and beating him bloody, Angel understood. If Faith's love for Connor was anything comparable to his, Angel could see why she reacted rather fiercely. Volatile.

But Faith was now...giving up and giving in.

"Faith, is there anything I can...do?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "More like something you _shouldn't_ have done."

"You know-"

"I _know_ and I get it." Faith mumbled, waving a dismissive hand at him.

Angel looked sceptical. "You...do?"

"Yeah." She replied curtly.

"Ok?"

Her expression twisted into a frown. "I think you're wrong but I get it. _Sacrifices_. I get it but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Doesn't mean I'll _ever_ forgive you. Because I can't. I _won't._" Her voice was suddenly rising, filling the room. "It doesn't mean he's more your child than mine. Doesn't mean you deserve to love him more than I do because I know damn well, I-"

Angel quickly cut Faith off as he stepped towards her and tentatively pulled her into his arms. She stiffened but did not step out of his embrace. "I know, Faith. I know. And it probably won't mean much but I _am_ sorry."

She exhaled against his shirt and nodded.

Faith finally stepped out of his arms and straightened herself, her expression hardening. The moment of vulnerability, when all her shields were down, was gone as quickly as it appeared and Angel half wondered if he had imagined it all.

"Quit being sorry, Angel, because if it was the other way around...well, you know I'd roll the dice and hope we end up in Vegas. Wouldn't be one bit sorry. Anything for Connor, right?"

His lips stretched into a tight smile and he nodded, taking the space by the desk next to her.

"Right."

Her eyes searched his face momentarily before she turned to drink in the sight of Los Angeles once more. "Yeah, well, neither one of us has him now, huh?"

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three** : Glass Houses

**Disclaimer** : I don't own Angel. Never did. Never will.

**Characters** : Angel, Faith, Connor

**Warning** : Course Language, Violence

**Author's Notes **: Almost 5 months have passed since Angel did the spell.

Many thanks to fuffylover.

**Summary** : She owed the universe a big one, Faith figured. That is why they had given Connor to her. An eternity later, they want her to give him back.

* * *

_"But Momma."_

_"Look, kid, how many times do I have to tell you? Don't call me that!"_

_Large blue eyes stared back at her, brimming with tears. The three year old nodded before bowing his head to stare at his bare feet. __Cursing inwardly, Faith sighed and crouched in front of him, tipping the boy's chin up and forcing him to look her squarely in the face._

_Her voice and her expression softened. "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything but I'm not your Momma, Connor. Don't know what else to tell you but that's the hand we're dealt. Nothing we can do about it, okay?"_

_"Okay." His bottom lip quivered but he nodded nonetheless._

_"I'm just Faith, you hear?"_

_Something inside of Faith twisted at the expression he wore and she pulled the little boy into her arms, patting his small back gently. Connor burrowed his face into her shoulder, wrapping his small arms around Faith's neck, chubby hands digging into the curls of her hair._

_"Just Faith." He repeated after her softly._

_"But it doesn't mean that I don't love you, kid. Because I do. I'm not supposed to but...I do. And I swear, I won't leave you. Just don't call me that again."_

* * *

She had gone to see _him_.

Faith went because Angel was not looking and even if he was, he would not have been able to stop her. She went because there was no rule against it. Because it was in her nature to disobey, to go against the grain and test the limits of those around her.

She went because she was beginning to unravel and her sanity was cracking.

Because Buffy's war had proven to be an inadequate distraction. Because the knowledge of Dawn's true identity had given Faith an extra dose of emotional trauma and sent her closer to the edge. Because the First had taunted her about it and had asked her if she was sure Connor even existed in the first place.

She went because even when the Slayer War was won, months later the First's voice still rang loudly in her ears and the memory of three year old Connor calling her Momma kept replaying in her head.

Faith went because no one remembered Connor. No one questioned her presence or Angel's ceaseless need to know her whereabouts and movements. Even Wesley, their resident Judas, lived blissfully unaware of his betrayal to Angel.

And Faith was slowly starting to believe she was crazy.

Waiting was no longer an option.

So Faith went and found Connor and realized it was a colossal mistake.

Angel had reduced him to an average college student. A well-dressed, polite teenager on the cusp of adulthood who was lost on his first day of college and had ran right smack into her in his hurried and frantic state. He had apologized incessantly, for the coffee he spilled all over her, mortified with himself. And he had looked her in the face, recognition never settling in his eyes.

Connor called her _ma'am _and Faith hated the kid.

She returned to Los Angeles by foot, leaving a trail of bodies in her wake, which she either slept with or killed. Some both.

Angel sent a team to retrieve her- to bring her _home_, just as she was three miles outside of the city. Faith beat every one of the men bloody - save for one - to drive the team back to HQ and to tell Angel to _fuck off_.

She found her way to the Hyperion eventually and settled there, even in its demolished condition, because the faint traces of Connor's presence still lingered in the rooms. Because she had to remind herself that after a year passes, she would have him back.

Wolfram and Hart was not an option. It was too close to Angel and his presence taunted the killer inside of Faith too much, dared her to just kill him because she can and she wanted to.

And Faith could not go any further than the Hyperion because despite all her rage towards Angel, the knowledge that the only other person who remembered Connor was only a short distance away brought some semblance of comfort to her. That she was not as crazy as she felt.

Instead, she avoided him and sought any physical contact she could find around her, whether it was a fight or a fuck. It made no difference to Faith. So when the first stranger came looking for Angel Investigations with a problem that needed fixing, Faith took the job even if she never believed in the cause.

She saw the size of the fight instead.

* * *

Angel heard the commotion, the sound of screaming and yelling rising over the telltale signs of a struggle. His mind immediately went to Faith and his footsteps hastened. He rounded the corner of the hotel, bracing himself for a fight, and as he ran through the front door, Angel saw the two by four connect with the back of Faith's skull with a resounding crack.

The wood splintered and broke into half just as Faith's legs buckled beneath her, sending her crashing in the middle of the Hyperion lobby. Her attacker moved quickly and connected a foot with Faith's shoulder, breaking bones in the process.

Faith screamed and in a flash, Angel lunged at the assailant.

They crashed and rolled over each other in a struggle for dominance. The sounds of screaming increased and the group that had crowded around Faith while she was being attacked was suddenly scrambling and participating in the fight.

Angel ducked, punched and kicked his way through the tangle of limbs and weapons.

"Stop!" Faith's voice boomed and surprisingly the room stilled. "Fun's over. Out! Now!" At her command, everyone dispersed, leaving Angel bewildered. The man, Faith's primary attacker, shoved Angel away roughly and straightened himself with a huff before he walked towards the woman he was previously assaulting.

Angel started but Faith raised her hand in protest. He watched as the man, towering Faith by a good two feet, bowed his head next to hers. "You got this?"

She nodded, bruised lips pursed tightly. With one last sharp glance at Angel, the other man left the room.

"What the hell was _that_?"

"You're asking _me_? I thought he was goin to kill you!" Angel blanched. Faith merely shrugged, dug a cigarette from her pocket and lit it.

"Invincible, remember?" She said after a beat.

"Faith, what the hell is going on?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Shouldn't you be on the other side of town, Angel? Last I checked, you were shaking hands with the devil and getting yourself new and shiny chrome and glass as a reward."

"Faith-"

"What are you doing here?"

"I was worried."

Faith huffed and smoke blew past her lips, spreading out and in front of her. "You're not my keeper. And don't you have people to do that for you now? To worry for you? And check on your enemies?"

"You're not my enemy."

"That's where you're wrong, sweetheart."

Angel watched her sadly, watched the hardness that had destroyed all the progress they made together. Almost two centuries may have passed for Faith but in his reality, in this dimension, Angel had seen Faith just days before Darla returned.

_Days_.

And then everything unravelled. Darla was gone. Connor was stolen. And Faith was taken, given another purpose without Angel becoming the least bit suspicious.

He had not even known that she was gone until the wide, gnawing portal hovering above the lobby of the Hyperion spat her and Connor back out. Angel had barely recognized her because she had looked so feral, so wild with her hair unkept and long, skin muddied and caked with dirt, and the animal hide wrapped haphazzardly around her body. She looked almost demonic, until she screamed Connor's name and her voice registered in Angel's brain.

Now, Angel realized with a pang of sadness that he had unknowingly built Faith up just to tear her back down. They were becoming friends _before_, Angel was sure of that, but the Powers had others plans for them and as a result destroyed everything they had worked to gain.

Something in his expression startled Faith and her resolve faltered slightly.

"Scotch?" She offered and Angel nodded wordlessly. He watched as she pulled the bottle from behind the counter and took two long gulps from it. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she handed it to Angel.

"Who are they? The people?"

Faith shrugged as she leaned against a pillar. "Don't know and don't care. Just squatting here, I guess. I went on a run and the two blue ones - the twins - were here by the time I got back. Told them they could stay so long as they don't try to kill me or bring their kill here."

"A run?"

"Some of your clients came by. Guess they didn't get the forwarding address."

A small smile tugged at his lips. "And you took the jobs? You took care of them? Really?" Angel passed the bottle to her.

"I took care of _no one_. They pointed and I shot. No questions asked." Faith insisted vehemently, clearly repulsed by the idea. "The big one, the one getting his jollies by kicking the crap out of me, followed me all the way home after I killed his boss. Hasn't left since."

Angel frowned. "That's...creepy."

"Something about debt and life and gratitude." Faith waved it off absently, taking another slow drag of the cigarette in her hand. "The others just got here last week."

"Is this what you want?"

"Do you really need to ask that?" Faith retorted hotly, eyes flashing menacingly at him. She shoved the bottle at his chest forcefully.

"You can come home, Faith. With me." He suggested.

"No home here, Angel. Home's where....the kid is. And you took that away, remember?" She sneered.

He scoffed and handed the bottle back to her with as much force as she had given. The liquid sloshed violently at the rim, spilling. "How many times are we going to have this conversation, Faith? I thought you understood. I thought we were _moving_ past this."

Faith shook her head at him. "You made him so normal. A pathetic little human kid who doesn't even know what he's capable of! He's better than that!"

"He isn't pathetic. And he deserves a _normal_ life, Faith. You know this as much as I do!"

"What I know is that he belongs with _me_!" She practically shrieked. "If you, his own _father_, could send him away then you never deserved him in the first place!"

Angel's face suddenly transformed and the demon snarled at Faith, fangs bared.

Then he lunged at her.

* * *

Please Review!

Hint: Angel and Faith won't be fighting for a while.


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